


Smoke Rings In The Dark

by nimrod262



Category: Biohazard | Resident Evil (Gameverse)
Genre: Break Up, Chris POV, F/M, Gary Allan, Inspired by Smoke Rings In The Dark, M/M, Nivanfield, Pre-Edonia, Strong Language, Valenfield - Freeform, smoke rings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-11
Updated: 2018-12-11
Packaged: 2019-09-16 07:20:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16949532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nimrod262/pseuds/nimrod262
Summary: A bittersweet Chris POV tale as one relationship ends and another begins . . .  ?  This is a nimrod first, some Valenfield.  Enjoy!





	Smoke Rings In The Dark

**Author's Note:**

> This work was inspired by a Gary Allan Country song - Smoke Rings In The Dark. Its lyrics describe the sort of of emotions I imagine Chris experiencing. My thanks to Gary, the songwriters and publishers, for the inspiration.

It's 9 pm, or thereabouts. One dank Friday evening, October 2012. There's a growing pile of cigarette butts at my feet, next to my grip, and I'm blowing smoke rings in the dark 'cause hey, I can.

Let me explain. I'm sitting on the front steps of Jill's bungalow. She rates one as a Major. I could have one if I'd taken promotion. Shit, I could be a Colonel and have a mansion. But I've never wanted that. People expect to see me in combat, at the sharp end, not sat behind a desk. I can't let them down, I won't. That's part of the problem. Well, _my_ problem. Apparently.

We'd had the same discussion countless times before. Like Groundhog Day, like we were somehow standing still, not moving on. That's _another_ one of my problems. Fuck, I'm beginning to lose count of them!

I re-run the 'discussion' over and over again through my mind, trying to recall the exact words. As usual, it was too emotionless to be called an argument. But this time was different. There was an air of finality about it. Somehow I'd known that before we even started, which is why I'd packed. What was it Jill had said? 'I'm a certain kind of woman, you're a different kind of man?' What the hell did that mean? Did it even matter? She was right though. I didn't need her to spell it out, I understood that much.

I finally realized I'd been in denial for some time. I hadn't tried to fix it because I'd refused to believe it was broken. But broken it was. Just like I didn't want to make Jill tell me it was over, but in the end that's exactly what she had to do.

"Chris, are you ever going to grow up? I hoped you would change."

"Don't make this all about me. You're the one who's changed."

"I need certainty, stability. If I can't get that in a relationship, I'll get it from a career."

"Are you saying I'm unstable?"

"No, you know I don't mean that. Don't twist things. It's just that . . ."

"Just what?"

"It's just that I'm moving on. I'm not getting any younger."

"So I'm stuck in a rut?"

"I didn't say that! See, you're always on the defensive."

"Only because everyone seems to be attacking me!"

"They're not, I'm not! It's this image you've created, the 'I'm Captain Redfield, I do what I want' one."

"I haven't made it, it's how people see me. You know it's not true."

"To be honest Chris, I don't know any more. Whatever the reason, you've become a hostage to it."

"So now I'm a fake, as well as unstable. Jeez Jill, kick a guy when he's down why don't you?"

"I'm not kicking you. For God's sake Chris, I'm trying to help you. Let's not fight, please?"

"Seems to be the only thing we are good at. We're a team, you and I."

“We  _were_ a team Chris . . . but not any more, the spark's gone. It's obvious to everyone except you."

"It's those three lost years isn't it? Damn Wesker to hell."

"You already did that."

"His death didn't change a thing Jill. If anything it's worse. His legacy still lives on . . . bioterrorism's gone global. Have we failed there too?"

"No, we'll win. But we've got different roles to play now, you and me, individually."

I don't like the sound of 'individually'. "I love you Jill." Corny, but it's my best shot. I miss.

"And I love you Chris, how can I not? But it's not a sustaining love, it's not growing, developing. It's . . ."

I didn't want her to say _dead_ , so I help her out. "Stuck in a rut?"

"Yes."

"Like me?"

"Yes."

"Can't we just . . . you know?"

"No! Look, I'm tired, I'm going to bed. It would be better for both of us if you simply left now."

"Just like that?"

"Chris, you've already backed your bag. I'm not blind."

"I had this sixth sense. Be prepared, worst case scenario and all that."

"No Chris, it's not the worst case scenario. That would be both of us getting trapped in a loveless relationship. It's not the best, but it's certainly not the worst."

"So you're letting me go?"

"I'm letting both of us go. You know it's for the best."

"I guess, deep down." I reach out and touch her face softly. "See you around then kiddo?"

She suddenly looks guilty. "Er, no, I'm going to Washington. Dee's asked me to join his staff."

That was an unexpected twist of the knife. "All planned eh?"

"No Chris, not like that, not calculated. It came as a surprise actually."

I couldn't bear to see her put on the spot, so I threw her a lifeline. "I believe you Jill. But if you're on first name terms now, it's no surprise to Dee. Trust me." I grinned through the hurt.

"I always have." she smiled, grateful, relieved. "But we both need to look to the future now."

"I've gotta' new rookie joining the team, Macauley I think his name is. I might shake things up a bit, get Piers on point."

Jill sighed. "Alpha . . . something else I can't compete with."

"Hey! They're my boys."

"I know! Once I thought we'd be talking about our own kids by now . . . hoped . . ."

"You know my feelings on that Jill. Parenthood, in this game, it wouldn't work. There's too many orphans around as it is. Alpha's all the family I need."

Another sigh. Ok, it was a dumb thing to say, but even then Jill didn't give up on me. "But you have got _some_ plans of your own?"

"Yeah, kinda'." I lied.

"Good, I'm pleased for you Chris, honestly. I still care for you. I want you to move on too."

"You've got a funny way of showing it."

"We can't stand still, either of us. This might be the helping hand you need."

"Get me out of that rut huh?"

"Yes."

"Thanks."

"You mean it? You gonna' be alright?"

"Guess I'm about to find out." I stand up so abruptly, it makes her jump. "Well, if the loves already gone, I'd better get going too. See you around Jill."

"Bye Chris, take care." And that was it. She closed the front door and a little while later the bedroom light went out, about the same time something went out inside of me. Christ! I've haven't felt so empty, so lonely since my parents . . . well, 'nuff said.

So here I am, sat on the front steps, shorts, toothbrush and the pieces of my heart in a grip, blowing smoke rings in the dark. Drinking in the smoke and the silence. Slowly drowning in the self-pity but holding back the tears. Because I'm Chris Redfield, and he doesn't cry.

The soft 'pad, pad' of a jogger coming down the street breaks into my consciousness. I look up. Shit! It would have to be him. Time to front-up Captain, get in first.

"Lieutenant Nivans, good evening." The 'padding' stops.

"Oh, Captain! I'm sorry, I didn't see you there."

I call him out. Piers Nivans has the best eyesight of anyone I've ever known. "You're a poor liar Piers. Remind me to give you some lessons."

"Captain?"

He's also the best No.2 I've ever had, but he doesn't like criticism. Ha! That sounds kinda' familiar. I can't see him clearly in the dark, but I imagine him coloring-up now, pouting. I try to chuckle, but it comes out strangled. Sounding a bit crazy, like weird crazy. "Gurgh!"

"Are you feeling alright Captain?"

"What do you think?"

"Would you like to talk?"

"Too late for that."

He looks at my bag, the pile of cigarette butts. "Er, would you like a drink then Captain?"

This, from the man who doesn't like drinking, doesn't like me drinking. But in five seconds he's sized the situation up, done his math and bingo! Out comes the answer, the right answer. Like he's seen into my mind.

"Sure, why not? You buying?"

"Of course Captain, I wouldn't have asked you otherwise."

Wow! Surprising _and_ precise! Not stuck in a rut like me. I knew I'd chosen him well. No wonder I see him as the future of the BSAA. I thought earlier this year I'd lost him. Merah Biji's death hit him hard for a while there. But he's pulled himself together; thrown himself back into the cause. My cause . . . me?

"Whiskey?"

Another pout. "We _could_ start with beer Captain."

"Nah, beer's too cold. I need something to fill the emptiness Nivans. A slow fire, to cleanse my soul."

"Oh!" for a moment Mr Cool seems surprised, genuinely so this time. "Have you sinned then?"

"Story of my life. I'll tell you about if you want . . . over a whiskey."

"I'd like that, er, to listen I mean Captain. You're, um, sorta' hard to get to know."

"Ha! That's exactly what the Major just said."

I stand up, slowly. My limbs suddenly feel tired, heavy. He notices that too, because he immediately bends down and picks up my bag. I blow another smoke ring and the cold night breeze takes it towards him. For a brief second it looks like a halo hovering above his head. Perhaps he is my savior? Then he swats it away and coughs, in that disapproving West-Point way he has, rolling his eyes. He doesn't like me smoking, doesn't usually like me drinking . . . it's gonna' be a fun evening. I throw the cigarette onto the ground and twist my boot heel over it, it could be someone's face. I turn and take a last look back at the bungalow.

"Goodbye old friend." I whisper it, at least I thought I did. I forgot Piers Nivans also has the best hearing of anyone I know.

"Captain?"

"Nothing Lieutenant, nothing." And then it hits me, one of those stupid phrases you can't get out of your head. _Out of the frying pan into the fire_. Am I gonna' screw someone else's life up now? I pull my shoulders back, straighten myself up. I'm Captain Redfield, I do what I want, apparently. I look at him and force a grin. "Come on then Nivans."

"Yes Captain." He smiles as he takes up position on my right-hand side. Does he know what's in store for him? Do I? I seriously doubt it.

 

**"Smoke Rings In The Dark"**

 

Well I won't make you tell me  
What I've come to understand  
You're a certain kind of woman  
I'm a different kind of man  
I've tried to make you love me  
You've tried to find a spark of the flame that burned  
but somehow turned to smoke rings in the dark

  
The loneliness within me  
Takes a heavy toll  
cause it burns as slow as whiskey  
through an empty aching soul  
And the night is like a dagger  
Long and cold and sharp  
As I sit here on the front steps  
Blowing smoke rings in the dark  
  
  
_I- I- I know I must be going_  
cause loves already gone  
And all I'm taking with me are the pieces of my heart  
And all I'll leave are smoke rings in the dark  
  
The rain falls where it wants to  
The wind blows where it will  
Everything on earth goes somewhere  
But I swear we're standin' still  
So I'm not going to wake you  
I'll go easy on your heart  
I'll just touch your face and drift away  
Like smoke rings in the dark  
  
_I- I- I know I must be going_  
cause loves already gone  
And all I'm taking with me are the pieces of my heart  
And all I'll leave are smoke rings in the dark

 

Sung by Gary Allan

Written by Melvern Rivers II Rutherford & Robert Boyd Houston

Published by In The Dark lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group

**Author's Note:**

> Check out theosymphany’s associated story ‘Tendrils of the past’ here on his AO3 site, well worth the read.


End file.
